I know it sounds like I am full of myself, but I really do have a lot to offer. I don't think much of myself in the looks department, but if I can believe a lot of other people I think I can at least say I'm cute. That's the most common word used, anyway.
I just want to be able to care about someone and not hold anything back. I want to just let go, relax, and let my feelings take me where they will.
Now, the trick is to find someone who wants that from me. That's the trick. And it's a hell of a trick to pull off. Some people are afraid of it. I don't really know why. If someone cares for me, I try to appreciate it as it is. I can't remember a time in my life I wanted someone to care less, just differently and more.
Maybe I ask too much. Hell, maybe I don't ask enough. I don't really know. I try to be a very flexible person. I like being able to fit myself to someone else. I don't change at my core, but I can try to fit someone's individual needs.
This sounds so weird to me. There is just so much I'm trying to figure out. The question I always (for many years now) asked myself is a simple one. What is wrong with me?
Don't tell me there is nothing. I fail at every attempt I try at a romantic relationship. Am I just to willing to allow myself to feel? Is that it. I don't see why embracing what you feel is a bad thing. You only have one life to live and I figure it is better to burn out than to fade away. Why not enjoy what you feel while you have it. If it goes away in time, then so be it. It will come again, with the same person or with someone else.
And hopefully, one day it will come with one person and stay. I'm looking for that one person, sure. I would never deny it. But at the same time I'm looking for whatever might be in the meantime. I don't want that to be nothing. Nothing hurts too much. Nothing leaves me to remember all the times I've lost instead of being able to revel in what I have.
Okay, time to stop this. I need sleep.