Thursday, June 30, 2005

Pissed Off...and other things

Ever make plans to do something with someone and then when the time comes you don't hear from them?  Ever give said person your phone number but neglected to get theirs?  If you answered "Yes," to those two questions then you have an idea of how I feel right now. 

See, I was supposed to bowling with a friend from work, a girl he's dating, and one of her friends.  I figure it will be fun, and since I'll be getting paid double time for the holiday next week it's no problem taking a night off.  So that's what I do.  I call in.  And the fucker never calls me.  Fucking asshole.  I was going to take off anyway, but it would have been nice to know what the fuck was going on.  Dickhead.

Anyway, John and Jennifer came over to watch a movie I bought, Hostage.  It's a pretty good thriller/action movie.  Some of the acting is excellant, and some of it sucks.  I especially liked the cold, calculated young killer names Mars, short for Marshall.  Anyway, it was a good movie, no great, but good.

I think I'm going over to John and Jennifer's for the Fourth.  They are going to grill some burgers and hot dogs and then have a big bottle rocket war.  That will be fun.  And they are doing it kind of early so I can take part.  That's nice of them.  Work had kind of screwed me lately, not that I had much of a life before.

I picked up some extra magazines and ammo for my Mini-14.  I got two blued steel twenty round magazines and this plastic thirty round.  I believe they are all old pre-ban stuff, which is cool.  From an article I read the thirty round is good, and the twenty round mags may have been made by Ruger before 1994's Crime Bill. 

I'm going shooting again this Sunday, I think.  With the holiday and all police patrols will be up and I don't want to get harrassed.  I'm not entirely sure the place I'm shooting at is legal, but I think it is.  I know it's far enough away from house and roads.  And I'm shooting towards a big hill (it's in an old strip pit/quarry).  I'm just not sure if the mining company that owns the land would approve.  'Think' being the key word because I don't know.  It's obvious that a lot of people shoot there, but I don't know for sure.  I'm not shooting my .45 there until I get my permit, and I think I'm going to wait until December for that just to be safe.

I also got stuck with forty rounds of 7.62 X 39 ammo because the idiot at WalMart can't tell the difference between that and .223.  And of course there are no returns on ammo.  I let them know of their mistake anyway.  I've got a friend with an SKS I can sell it to real cheap.  Hell, I might even pick up an SKS.  They're only around $130.  Maybe I'll do that.  I'll have to see.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

The Last Week Or So

For the last week or so I've mostly worked, read, and slept.  I have not seen any of my friends in over a week, except of course for those friends I've made at work.  It kind of sucks, because Jeremy is supposed to have a phone number for me.  The prick.  I guess I should call him, but I have not felt like it.  Every time I think of calling him I figure I'll see him.

Thursday I've got plans to go do something.  A friend from work, Dustin, wants me to go bowling with him and this girl he is seeing, Brandy.  Brandy has a friend named Nicole who is always with her.  Nicole is not really my type, but Dustin says she was asking about me and thought he'd invite me along.  I figured, why not?  I'll have to skip out on work, but I don't much care.  It should be fun.

Last Saturday I bought a rifle.  I've been thinking about getting one for a while, but was not sure which one I wanted.  I finally settled on a Ruger Mini-14, which is a semiautomatic chambered for .223.  Sunday I went shooting and I did pretty damn good for open sites, in my opinion.  I was only shooting from maybe fifty yards or so, but I was tearing my target (about 8" in diameter) up.  I had a lot of bull's-eye hits and most of my shots (I shot thirty-eight rounds, not much) went into the target.  I really enjoyed myself and I am planning on doing it again next Sunday.

I want to buy some twenty round after market magazines for it.  I really hated having to stop and reload the five round mag that I have for it.  I'm going to pick up a couple of extra's today, but I don't know what capacity they'll be.  

 

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Something New

This is something that I stole from someone else's journal.  Feel free to steal from me.  If I'm lucky I might get two comments...lol.  Anyway, it's bed time.

Please leave a one word comment that you think best describes me.
It can only be one word.  No more.
Then copy and paste this into your journal so that I may leave a word about you.

I Meant To Do More

Damn.  Damn it.  Shit.

I really, really meant to do more these past couple of days.  Instead I spent most of my time on my couch not really interested in anything but the newest book I just started reading.  I've had it for years but never started it.  It's called Unintended Conseqeunces.  It's fiction, but also very historical.

It traces the history of firearms and the people who love them through the twentieth century.  It also evaluates the the affect of of gun control laws on American culture.  It really comes at the issue in an interesting way that makes me look at the issue in a different way then just thinking there are just some nuts out there who want to go out and have a good shot'em up with automatic weapons. 

Since I started it, and I'm only about an eigth of the way into it, it's made me think the issue through a little more.  Putting it into historical context, the Second Amendment was meant to insure that if at any time it became necessary the people of the United States would have both the equipment and the know-how to overthrow a military backed US government.  The idea was to make sure that ultimately the power stayed in the hands of the citizens. 

Now there is an obvious threat to the government there. But there is supposed to be.  That was the point.  The idea was to give teeth to everything the Constitution and Bill of Rights said.  I can see why those in power would want to do what they could to restrict this right.  However, if the government is no threat to the people and their freedoms, and it's not supposed to be, then this shouldn't be a problem.

There is also a benefit to the goverment if your citizenry, at need, can pick up a weapon and march off to war with little to no training.  Can you say, "Kiss my ass North Korea and your million man army?  Fuck you China?"

Now, I see the problem of say, 80% of the adults in my apartment complex having M-16's.  Some nut is going to get pissed off and start shooting people, right?  Okay, that's not good.  But what happens when his fifty sane neighbors start shooting back?  Suddenly, problem solved.

Now, Michael Moore advocates gun control to a large extent, but says we should leave hunters' their rifles and shotguns.  Okay, say we did that.  We'd still have a huge problem.  The first would be rising crime rates in states with concealed carry laws, because the police would be suddenly outnumbered and outgunned by the criminals.  The second is this:

President John F. Kennedy was shot and killed by a former marine with a cheap, piece of shit Italian rifle.  That rifle had a cheap scope and and was operated by a bolt action.  Every time you shot you had to operate the bolt to reload it.  I can go out, right now, and buy a better rifle and scope at Walmart for about four hundred dollars, which I just happen to have in my wallet. 

Gun control laws are out there to protect the government from the citizens, not to protect citizens from other citizens.  It is a fact, that in states that have laws that allow citizens to carry a concealed weapon for defense crime rates are lower than those states which don't allow citizens to carry.  That means if people carry guns less women get raped, less people get murdered.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

The Wizard's Tome

Now that I've got some fresh incentive in the magical department with the resurrection of my staff project I've started a new journal devoted strictly to the occult and occult practices.  Take a peek inside The Wizard's Tome.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Staff Project Revival

Yesterday I went back to where I used to live to pick up a few things I either forgot or didn't have time/space to get when I moved out.  One of those things was the staff I had spent so much time working on.  I finally get my chance to finish it!

When I picked it up I was surprised at how light it was.  Before it must have weighed twenty pounds.  Now it can't weigh more than three or four.  That's a lot of water to dry out of a hunk of wood.  No wonder it was taking forever.  I should have realized that before, but I was in a hurry.  Anyway, it's time to get a shower and then I'm off to work.  I called in last night because I had a 'family emergency.'  Translation:  I got drunk and played poker until four-thirty in the morning.  Give me a break, it's been a while.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Sweet Emotion

On a lark, I joined a website called sexsearch.com.  Why?  Like I said, on a lark.  It costs a little, but if it gets me laid even once it's more than paid for itself.  Now, the question that immediatly comes to mind is, "How fucking desperate must you be to do this?"

Apparently, not very.  I just wanted to explore the option of some no-strings, possibly strings, etc. sex without having to go out and play a big game with someone where we had to dance around the issue.  It basically gives you the opportunity to meet people for what you want.  No games, no dancing around.  Everyone knows what they are looking for there. 

Now, it could turn out to be a total scam, so if I get nothing out of it the first month I'll bail out, but for now it's something for me to explore. 

Now, how weird is this?  I don't know.  It just seems like an interesting idea.  I don't know if it will turn out good, bad, or neither.  I guess I'll keep you updated.  Think of it as an experiment.  Experimenting is good, right?

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Something

Do you know how hard it is to come up with a new and unique title for each entry I post.  I just spent five minutes gazing blankly at the screen trying so come up with...something.  I guess I'm just tired.

I worked Monday night and then stayed up all day Tuesday.  I wanted go out and have breakfast and then do a little shopping.  I came home, showered and shaved, and then I hit the road.  I went to Cracker Barrel first to get something to eat.  I got my usual, which is bisquits and gravy with sausage.  There was this really cute waitress there who took my drink order.  Unfortunatly I never got the chance to do more than give her my order because a different waitress, one not so cute, brought my drink and took the rest of my order.  I was dissappointed by that, but the food was still good.

I payed my check and then headed out the door.  I drove the first store I wanted to visit, Marshall's.  I wanted to get a couple of CK t-shirts since they have them so cheap there.  I got lucky and found them on sale.  I'm guessing it was for Father's Day.  Anyway, it helped me out. 

I went to Kohl's next, since I was in the area.  I didn't really know of anything I wanted to buy there, but I thought I would go look around.  It was a waste of time.  I didn't see anything I liked, so I went into Sam's Club. 

I did find a few things I wanted at Sam's.  I bought The Essential Steve McQueen collection.  I'm watching Bullitt right now.  I also bought a poker game for my computer so I can try and keep my skills sharp since I never get to play with my friends anymore.  I can't play online because banks are refusing transactions with 'gaming sites.'  It really bites.

On my way home I three movies, Seven Years in Tibet, Assualt on Precinct 13, and Hitch.  I watched Seven Years in Tibet first.  It was pretty good.  I had just started Assualt on Precinct 13 when Jennifer called me to see if I wanted to go swimming.  She and Jeremy came over about thirty minutes later and we went to the pool.  We were out there for about two hours.  It was nice.

I ended up going to see Mr. and Mrs. Smith again that night with John, Jennifer, and Jeremy.  I actually wanted to go see it again so it worked out.  Like I said, it's an excellant movie.  The only problem was that I had been up for about thirty hours by the time the movie started and I began to nod off between the action scenes.  I needed something to help me focus and stay awake so I started chewing gum.  It worked perfectly.  Good thing too, because I was driving home.

After the movie I came home and did some luandry.  I slept most of the night and got up around ten in the morning  today.  I needed to go to the mall for a few things.  I ended up buying a couple of shirts and a pair of pants for myself while I was there.  However, the reason I needed to got was to get Jennifer's birthday presents.  Her birthday is Friday and I said I while back that I was going to getting her a meat tenderizer and a cutting board.  She needs them both.  My sister's birthday is also Friday.  I'm got her a card and I am giving her twenty dollars. 

When I got home I noticed one of my shirts still had the security thing on it that squirts ink everywhere if you try and force it off.  I was pissed.  Jennifer called me a little while later to ask if I wanted to go to the mall.  I laughed, and told her about the shirt.  I was glad I got to take care of that today, and Jeremy drove  so I didn't have to worry about that. 

All in all it hasn't been a bad weekend, but I still don't want to go back to work tomorrow night.  Even if I do get payed.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Crazy, crazy, crazy...

This week at work has really sucked.  Thursday sucked, Friday sucked, Saturday sucked, and Sunday is going to suck.  I hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it.  Oh well.  It's almost over.  One more night after tonight and then I can relax for a couple of days.  I don't know what I'm going to do, but I plan on doing something besides sleeping for a change.  I need to get out for a while.

I was planning on going to Six Flags in Georgia in a couple of weeks, but I can't get a day off work.  John and Jennifer are probably going to want to kill me.  I'll probably just tell them to go without me.  I don't want to ruin their fun.  It really sucks.  I've wanted to go for a long time and when I finally get the chance work fucks it up.  Now I know why most of the people in the world despise their jobs.  I should have went into another business, like high profile assassinations.

Speaking of assassins, Friday before work I went and I saw Mr. and Mrs. Smith.  It was an excellant movie.  Both Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie gave wonderful performances.  The movie was a really good action flick, plus it had a lot of funny scenes.  And there was also the romantic element there, though it was subtle.  I highly recommend it to anyone, especially married couples.  It puts a whole new spin on couples' therapy.  See it.  Right now.

Okay, finish reading this first.  Then go see the movie.

I'm feeling hungry right now.  I don't know what I want to eat.  I've lived off of spaghetti for the past week or so.  It was quite good, and I did enjoy it.  But now it's all gone.  I don't know what I want now.  I have things to cook, but not many.  Pizza sounds good, but I don't have any frozen pizza and I don't have enough cash to order one.  A hamburger would be good too.  Maybe Burger King.  That sounds good.  Over priced not-so-fast food, here I come. 

Thursday, June 9, 2005

I Was Right

I was right about needing my off time just for recovery.  I spent most of it watching tv and sleeping.  I slept over twelve hours Wednesday.  Just enough time to to watch the calender roll over to Thursday.  I really wanted to do something else too.  I mean, I did get to go shoot my gun and I did watch every episode of the fifth season of The Sopranos.

But I wanted to go somewhere, see my friends.  For more than five minutes, I mean.  Damn it.  I don't like being so fucked up from work that I waste my time.  It shouldn't be this way, but I know it is for almost everyone.  It's hard to let go of everything when you walk out the door, either from work or home.  Work stuff gets at you home, and home stuff gets at you at work.  I try to keep the stuff seperate, but it's hard to do.

Anyway, I really wish I had something interesting to write about.  But I don't.  I've thought about making a list of subjects to write about and picking from that list.  Every time I think about doing it there are a ton of ideas rolling around in my head and I tell myself I don't need a stupid list.  Then it comes time to write and all of those ideas run and hide.  Then I sit here rambling for all, and by the time I come up with an interesting subject to write about it's time to end the entry. 

Wednesday, June 8, 2005

You really wanna know?

Okay, I'll tell you then.  I actually did a lot today.  By today I mean yesterday and today up until now.  I decided to go try out my .45.  I shot off about forty rounds, and while I really need a lot more practice I've got no problem hitting 'center mass.'  My shots are precise, just not as accurate as I would like them to be.  I wish there was a pistol range around here somewhere.  Maybe there is, but I really need to get a permit first so I don't get picked up for illegally carrying or some other shit. 

I've been trying to find a house to rent to get out of this apartment.  I've called about two three bedroom houses with two baths.  The plan was use two rooms and get a roommate.  I even had a guy at work interested.  I called about the first one and left a message.  I never got a call back, and two days later someone had taken the 'for rent' sign down.  I called about the second house today.  Some fucking agency has the listing and wants eight bucks just to show me the place.  Fuck'em.  I'd rather live here.  I'm going to keep looking though.

Other than that I watched a little tv, slept for a few hours, and have been watching season five of The Sopranos.  John, Jennifer, and Jeremy came over to borrow my printer.  They were going to look at tattoos and Jeremy wanted to print out a couple he found online to get them priced.  I think they're wasting their time.  If you're going to get a tattoo it ought to have some kind of meaning.  You shouldn't get something permanently inked into your skin because it 'looked cool' at the moment. 

Anyway, now I'm sitting here doing next to nothing, waiting on my dryer buzzer to go off so I can get a shower and have clean boxers afterward.  It's either that or sit around here  naked.  I can't say I haven't done it before (I do live alone after all).  But I don't feel like it.  There's no rush.  It's not like I've got anywhere to go.  I can't do anything until places open in the morning, and I'll probably go to sleep then.  Oh, my wonderful life. 

I'll look at the bright side.  It's not like I had a life before.  Is the glass half empty or half full?  As the wise man said, "Get a smaller glass, asshole."

Tuesday, June 7, 2005

Good Grades

I just read a news report that compared President Bush's grades and Senator John Kerry's grades at Yale University.  I was disgusted to find that while both did better than average, I have better school grades than both of them.

Yes, I realize that Yale probably had harder classes than UAB, maybe, but the fact remains that the guy who is our president and the guy who wanted to be president were both only B-average students.  Sorry, but that's not good enough for me. 

I mean, come the fuck on!  B's were the best these two pricks could manage?  I think that at the same university I could do as well.  My ego demands that I say I could probably do better. 

Monday, June 6, 2005

Uggh...

Work has really sucked these last couple of days.  I'm glad I'm off after tomorrow.  I'm going to need the time off just to recover from this past week of WalMart bullshit.  To top it all off I'm going to get shorted my next check because of one of the cocksucking assistant managers.  Let me explain.

Because I work nights, my forty hour week starts at 12:01 A.M. Saturday morning and ends 12:00 A.M. the next Friday night.  Got that?  Okay.  Thursday night I went in and checked my time before clocking in and I had 30 hours exactly.  I worked exactly 8 hours, giving me a grand total of 38.  I came in Friday night and this fat, Jabba the Hutt look-a-like, pizza-faced bitch Assistant Manager tells me I can't clock in until five minutes after 10:00 (my normal clock in time), or I'll have five minutes overtime.

My first response was, "That can't be right."  She showed me a piece of paper with my time on it in hundreths of a minute (can you do that math?  She can't).  She said I was five minutes over and that I couldn't clock in until five after.  I said I'd take her word for it and call it human error on my part.  No big deal.

Wrong.  I check my time this morning and I find out I've been shorted a couple of minutes because it turns out that I had only three extra minutes.  Now I'm angry.  They bitch about "no overtime, absolutely not" and then they force me into not getting my full forty hours.  I'm going to one of the other managers as soon as they cut me my check next week and pointing out the mistake.  I'm going to tell them I'll let it pass as human error...this time.  Next time I call the Ethics board at WalMart's Home Office, and I'll also be writing to the Federal Labor commission. 

If they don't want me getting overtime, that is fine.  I won't argue with them.  I could care.  But if I get cheated again I'm going to do everything I can to make sure the proper authorities are informed...and maybe the news media as well.

Saturday, June 4, 2005

Home Defense

Tonight I did something I have been meaning to do for a while, and that was to purchase a gun.  Now, I know a lot of people think buying a gun for "home defense" is just an excuse to have a deadly weapon.  For me, it isn't.

I live alone.  All it would take to get into my apartment is a good kick on the door in the right place.  I'm strong, but no one is strong enough if they are outnumbered or looking down the barrel of a gun or at the edge of a knife.  I don't intend to find myself in one of those situations with nothing but my cock in hand.

My plan was orginally to buy a shotgun as they are easy to use and intimidating.  I am also very comfortable with their use.  But I'm also comfortable with pistols.  I know guns, and how to use them safely.  I was taught early on about such things.

Tonight I was given the opportunity to buy an H and K .45 pistol, and considering it was a good deal from an investment point of view and that it is an excellant weapon I took the offer.  It has everything a shotgun could offer and it cost me less.  And it is completely legal, of course.  I have a valid bill of sale and will be applying for my permit soon. 

And for anyone who has had the misfortune of looking down the barrel of one, well...you know.

Friday, June 3, 2005

Sorry Avril, but here we go again...lol

Time for another entry.  Avril, it's wonderful to see you back and to read all of your comments.  I have thirty-two emails from AOL alerts with because of all your comments and my responses.  Wow.  I haven't had that many since AOL started the War on Spam.

Okay, now on to life. 

Last night work sucked.  Not only was it my Monday, but I was tired.  To top if all off my aisle was getting it's own personal inventory.  I had to work through all of my new freight and leave the overstock in the floor to be counted.  Then, every single item in my bin had to be pulled out, placed on the floor in the aisle near it's spot and either put up or left to be counted.  Aisle 7 was literally packed full of boxes and boxes of crackers and juice.  Oh, yeah.  It sucked.  The only thing good about it was that I didn't have to put the stuff back up. 

I slept most of the day through, of course.  It was nice.  I got up around six in the afternoon.  Jennifer called and asked if I wanted KFC.  I said sure.  Who can turn down a free meal?  She and John got that thing that has popcorn chicken, chicken strips, and regular fried chicken in one bucket.  They brought it over and we watched a George Carlin dvd I bought.  The food was good and Carlin is hilarious, as always.

They left to go to this pool hall called bumpers.  I wish I could have gone, but I have to work.  I fucking hate having to work on Friday nights.  I can't wait until I can take a Friday night off. 

Speaking of time off, I'm going to try and get a Saturday the 25th of so that I can go to Six Flags with John and Jennifer.  That would be really fun.  I'll have to do that tonight.  I'm supposed to ask three weeks in advance.

Wednesday, June 1, 2005

I've Had Better Days

Today started out pretty sucky.  I wanted to go to sleep this morning and sleep until about noon.  My plan was then to go to the mall and browse a couple of book stores.  I figured I'd come home and sleep a few more hours and then get up to do whatever. 

Well, none of that happened.  I tried going to sleep on my couch around seven in the morning.  I was really tired, but it was not working out.  I decided to try a shower and my comfortable bed.  The shower was nice, and so was the bed.  But still, sleep eluded me.  Finally I got up and decided to go get breakfast and then head to the mall early.

I was already feeling depressed (I hate that word), because of this and that.  Mostly I was feeling lonely.  It got worse as I went about my day.  I just felt more and more alone no matter how many people were around.  It was a very disquieting experience.  I didn't like it at all.  Who the hell would?

Anyway, I finally made my way home.  I got comfortable, turned the air conditioner on, and went to sleep on the couch.  I slept for about an hour when I got a call from Jennifer.  She wanted to know if I wanted to order a pizza and watch The Empire Strikes Back.  She's been on this kick to watch the original trilogy since we saw Revenge of the Sith.  I'm not complaining.

I said sure.  She said John was going to pick her up after work and they would head over here.  I decided to go back to sleep since John wouldn't get off work for at least an hour and a half.  I went right out again and woke up a couple of hours later to the sound of knocking on my door.

I let John and Jennifer in and we just sat around for a few minutes before Jennifer ordered the pizza.  We waited for it to get here and then started the movie.  I really enjoyed it, though I found my head nodding toward the end. 

I guess getting some sleep and spending some time with my two best friends helped my mood.  I'm feeling a lot better.  I hate it when I get into those really deep depressions.  It has not happened in a long time.  Not since I was living at home.  I hope it doesn't happen again anytime soon...or at all. 

Unexpected Adventure...and unexpected self pitying rant

So, yeah, all that stuff I planned to do?  I fell asleep instead.  Damn.  It sucks to work nights in this state.  WalMart is the only thing open after ten at night except for clubs, and I don't do clubs.  It's such a pain.  I mean, come on, at least the mall should be open to midnight, right?  Wrong.

Anyway, around six in the afternoon John called me and asked me if I wanted to go see a movie.  I really was not sure if I wanted too, so I asked what movie we would be seeing.  He said it would be The Longest Yard.  I've kinda/sorta been wanting to see this movie so I said I'd come along.  It's not like I had anything better to do.

I'm really glad I did too.  The movie was hilarious.  It stars Adam Sandler, so if your not a fan, don't bother.  It's in the ballpark of Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, and The Waterboy but not nearly as far gone and ridiculus as Little Nicky.  I enjoyed it.

It rained all day today, so I think that is one reason I slept all day.  The rain just makes me want to snooze.  I need to do something besides that though before I have to go back to work.  I do get paid this week though, so that's good. 

Anyway, back to the movie.  It was funny, like a said.  Basic rundown:  has been football player goes to federal prison, sadistic warden and gaurds force him to put a football team together for the guards to trash, inmate team (obvious underdogs) come together to give the guards a taste of their own medicine.  Good movie for a week night adventure.

The only thing that sucked about tonight was that I had to drive.  But it was either that or get stuck in the back seat of a Honda Civic, and I've already vowed "Never Again."  So I drove.  Why John couldn't drive his Accord I don't understand.  Something about no air conditioner (it was in the high sixties!).

Anyway, it got me out of my apartment for a few hours when I was expecting to spend the night alone, so I'm not complaining too much.  I'm just wishing I had someone to spend my free time with...someone, shall we say, special to me.  I knew I should have called Stephanie this afternoon. 

I really don't know what I'm doing to myself with that girl.  I'm nuts about her, there's no denying it.  I just can't figure out why????????????  Idon't know what it is about her.  Everything just kind of comes together.  How many times have I told myself that in the past about some girl, though?  I don't know.  To top it off I read this in some girls journal the other day: 

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her."

This pisses me off.  Sorry ladies, but this isn't the guy you really want.  At least that's not how you act.  Every time this guy comes around (and I'm not speaking just from my own experience) you tell the poor prick you "just want to be friends."  Maybe what everyone tells me is true and the above is the guy who gets the girl in the end, but it hasn't happened to me yet. 

Yeah, I'm probably a sappy ass romantic, but I can't help it.  I try to be a gentleman, and I usually do a good job.  And later, when we're "buddies", and you ask me why I'm such a cynic?  Just remember that time I asked you out and you said, "Ah, but we're friends, we can't go out."

I don't understand.  I really don't.  Maybe I'm just being silly to some people, but this is important to me.  I'm lonely.  You hear that?  Lonely.  I just want to find someone who I can be 'that guy' for (see above).