Friday, September 25, 2009

"This could have all been yours."

Those are the most painful words I ever heard. She said them as she gestured at herself, knowing I loved her and had lost her to someone else.

After everything, I was able to get over it, as much as anyone ever can get over that first love. I was able to put all the anger and feelings of loss aside until she said that.

There was no need to be cruel for cruelty's sake, Stephanie. I knew I could have handled things better. I knew that if I had been able to be a little braver, a little more confident, then maybe things would have been different. I knew maybe...just maybe, I could have had you.

But you didn't have to say that. See, I'd learned to live with it all. Put that pain behind me. Bury it.

But you brought it all right back.

And even though those wonderful feelings I had for you will always be there, I also have to remember that you could have been kind, and that you weren't. You could have taken a little care to not remind me, at least not so roughly. But you did.

Maybe we'd have been 'okay' then. But I don't know now. I don't think I respect you enough anymore.

And of all I lost, losing my respect for you was the hardest of all.

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