Thursday, May 21, 2009

Damn. Just, Damn.

She didn't have to show up with the new boyfriend in the BMW. At least it was an older model. Both of them.

I'm angry at myself right now. Very angry. I'm angry that this got to me as much as it did. I don't like being this vulnerable to anyone or anything.

I learned a long time ago that anger is a very powerful thing. It can lead to a lot of things. You have to use it, burn it off. That's the only way to deal with it, otherwise you just bottle it up and then depression hits (depression being rage turned inward).

So I'm going to be productive. I've got quite a few projects in the works, or that I've been wanting to start on. I think it's time I put all of my energy into them.

1. I have to get completely out of debt, and salvage my credit. What credit cards I have (saving the one that is going to help me with #2, are going into my safe deposit box to be sealed up).

2. I have a blue 1965 Ford Mustang. I loved that car when I was in high school. I still do. It's time to resurrect it.

3. It's time I got off my ass and lost the twenty or thirty pounds I put on this past year. Or at the very least, I need to convert it into muscle.

4. I need to finish school. I've finally decided that I really do want to be a lawyer. I love the law. And I'd love to be financially secure one day. School starts January 2010. I intend to finish my degree without resorting to student loans. I want to save those for law school.

5. I need to find a way to keep myself motivated. I'm going to enlist the help of friends, and anyone and anything else I can find to help me.

6. I'm putting $60 dollars a week into savings. I've been doing it for a while now, and then blowing it when I get a few hundred bucks. It's time to stop blowing it and keep it in there. Either I should be paying down debts, or saving up for a new car or house.


Ave said...

I ALWAYS feel better when I know I'm working toward one of my goals. I'll probably always have to have goals for just that reason. If I don't have any I feel like I'm wasting my life.

Those are some very nice goals, btw. Sorry about the ex and her new old toys.

rusty said...

Exes have a way of haunting you, you know? Either through memory or an appearance somewhere... or the fact that you cannot seem to get them out of your life (i.e. see my blog). Wish I could give you advice on the matter, but you know why I can't.

I'm glad you have goals. Focus on them and forget about her. Keep working on yourself and your happiness.