Tuesday, May 16, 2006

I need sleep...

I'm feeling kind of depressed, which is a sure sign that I need to get some sleep.  I'm off tonight, but I'm thinking of going in for some overtime.  I will if I wake up naturally, sans alarm, in time. 

I just posted this long ass entry on Myspace about my failures in romance.  It's all post-Stephanie stuff.  Christ, that girl has become a place marker in the timeline of my life.  Guess love does that.

Anyway, a lot of it is stuff I've never even talked about here for various reasons, privacy being the biggest one, embarassment at constantly failing the next.  I guess I just needed to get it all out.  I don't know why I did it there as opposed to here.  I guess because in a way it's...I don't know.  I can't think.  I'm tired and sad and I want a hug and some cuddling.  How pathetic is that.  I really need to find someone to lean on.  "Lean on me..."  I always liked that song.  It's kind of comforting. 

Well, as Avril would say, I'm for bed.


all4eyez said...

oh boy , my space.
ill leave that alone.

but i will say i think its good if you feel a need to get how you feel
off your chest , it should definately do you some good -
well - its meant to do that anyways...
And then it will enlighten anyone as to what you are going through and maybe people who are reading , whether they know you personally or not can get a clear view....that is if they try to understand or relate.
And if youre not typing your feelings - at least , write in all down on paper.

How can you say that you needing a hug and to be cuddled is pathetic????
What the....
That shows you have a frickin HEART and FEELINGS and your not scared of them.
I mean , I know guys personally that are in the same situation as you
-almost exact okay, and they say the same exact things you say...no lie.
And I tell them what I keep telling you about finding that someone....
And in the mean time , they have friends that they love & care about , that love & care about them that
are more than willing to throw them as many hugs as needed - I being
a big contributor.

I know , I know its no substitute for true love and sex...BUT - at least you are thought of , cared for and important to people that are there - whether youre in a romantic relationship with them or not.

Ive ALWAYS had better luck with a guy friend than I ever did with a guy I basically would have sold my frickin soul for....ahhh , thats a whole nother story....lol

"Lean On Me"...yea thats a good one...
ive always got the original "Stand By Me" in my head....
and when I hear it - man , does it move me.

rampage841512 said...

Myspace, yeah, it's just weird.  People see a different side of me there than here, I think.  It's the same, but I guess I'm much more overt about some things there than here, and vice-versa.  I don't mind cross over by readers or anything.  

Thanks for all you said.  It means a lot.  And I think I can understand the "I'd sell my soul for" feeling...lol.  And I know I'm not the only one out there.  I just wish...

But I always wish.  And hope.  And go on living.