Thursday, April 20, 2006

Tonight is going to suck

Sad is the closest I could get to shitty, lonely, and depressed.  I'm feeling absolutely pathetic right now.  Loneliness isn't so bad for the most part unless there is actually a real person who you'd like to be spending your time with.  Any person will do, as long as they are real.  If it's just some pie in the sky, imagined person it's different. It's not so bad then.

I don't really know what I'm talking about.  I'm tired, and I have to work tonight.  I halfway want to call in, but it won't be any different tomorrow.

I'd like to talk to Stacy, but I'll call her tomorrow.  She had to be at school from eight in the morning to eight tonight.  On top of that she thinks she got her roommate's sinus infection.  I'll let her rest.  Hell, maybe she wants me to call.  Tomorrow will do.  It's not like she doesn't have my number. 

Am I sounding utterly desperate?  I admit, I am a little desperate for attention.  This last month I've been getting a decent amount here and there.  And then this past couple of days a couple of different things didn't work out.  Shit happens, but that's life.  I just need to get the fuck out of my apartment, and going to work will be good for that.


autumnsavril said...

You know, I was going to write this little note at the end of this entry as sort of an uplift thing . . . but then I thought about something else, and I want to write that here instead.

Do you know I am experiencing the exact opposite problem?  Right now I'm still fairly new in my department and everyone is infatuated with the new girl.  Therefore, I'm getting a lot of new friends (who will eventually show their true colors and the number of friends will dwindle to almost nothing) who are all begging for my attention and time.

I can't seem to get a moment to think for myself or to just be with myself.  Even when I'm home alone I have Zachary, who needs more attention than any three people combined.  I just want to go out to the mall or a restaurant and be with myself for a few minutes.  Or sit at home and relax with a book or a movie and not have to worry that Zack will start crying, or that someone will call for me and want me to go somewhere.  I'm about to burst into tears because NOTHING is going on, yet I'm stressed.

We need to just swap places for a week or so until we get tired of the others' predicaments, then go back to our blissfully dull lives.


rampage841512 said...

I know this is weird, but I fear that if I left I might miss something  If only life were as easy as your solution.  

jhileb said...

interesting concept....a "real" person.  do they really exist?  or is it our limited experience and perception and lack of knowing them completely that temporarily awards a person this title?

btw, Ave interesting counter points.  i throughly enjoyed your "being the new girl" deal.  your are a smart one way ahead of your age.

i love reading you two when you go back and forth....reminds me of an offbeat,  counter culture, he said she said, column setup.  sorry to have enjoyed both of your current dilemas.:)


autumnsavril said...

Ahh, but that's why we're here . . . to entertain you.  :)

Anyway, I got my wish, at least for two days.  Clint took off with his brother to Birmingham for the weekend, and Zack went to stay with Clint's grandparents, so I am ALONE!!!

How groovy is that?

I'm savoring the time to myself, little though it be since I have to work this weekend.


rampage841512 said...

I hate working on weekends, but I always have too.  I'm glad you got your wish.  At least someone did.