Monday, January 2, 2006

I'm going to make it...

I'm going to make it through this.  I don't know how.  I don't know where I'm going to end up.  I just remember that quote Ave put up about if you're going through Hell, keep going.  I thought I was.  But I wasn't.  I was standing there trying to build a house in Hell.  I was setting up shop.  I needed to be moving.  I think I'm doing that now.  I hope I'm doing that now.

I'm going to start some little projects for myself.  Just stuff to keep me busy.  I need to do something.  I think the first thing I'm going to do is keep writing fiction.  I've been slipping, and not doing much.  I need to get back into that.  I'm also going to work on some other stuff. 

I've got to get out of this rut I'm stuck in.  If I don't, I'll regret it.  I keep starting down this dark path.  I've been lucky enough to get nudged off of it before it's been too late so far, but that luck won't hold out.  I've got to open my eyes and get to doing what I need to do, whatever that is. 

I really don't know what I should be doing.  That's scary.  The unknown always is.  But I can't keep doing that same old, same old.  That would be a mistake. 

I want to thank every one of you for being there.  Your kind words and understanding have helped more than you know.  It's nice to see that there are people out there who care about others, just because.  I've always wanted to help people, but sometimes I don't want to admit I need help myself.  I'm a pretty strong person.  I can take a lot.  But sometimes I need those kind words and assurance that things will get better to keep me going.  So thank you all.  You're good people, and you have my thanks.

3 comments:

jhileb said...

asking for help or exposing your weak moments is a sign of strength, not weakness.  it's strength that allows one to show they are vunerable or allow others to see a moment of weakness.  your a strong kid......your going to do well in life.  just remember....the high road is never the easy way to go, but it's the right way.  you'll lose out on things, but you'll always have your pride, honor, and dignity...and those are worth it, imho.

j.h.

autumnsavril said...

You're welcome.

You are *always* there when I need to talk, or need feedback, and I don't always do the same, so doubly thanks to you.

I care about you, hon, and I want you to be happy.

Find the happiness in everything, it is there, I promise.

MUAH.

Avril

all4eyez said...

i admire your bravery on this new , improved approach.

YEEEESSSSSSS.... a road to the real place where Superman dwells...I see it!
YEAH!!!

ill tell ya it actually makes me very sad when tuning in here and reading all these things that you have been going through , or allowing yourself to be put through - without any idea what to do next....cause that all sucks

and of course it has to happen to such a nice guy:(

But you know , you never stopped writing about any of it (amazingly enough) , through it all.
I see that as a sign of hope
As long as there is hope -
you will get through - it will guide you right through all of it , without even realizing its happening

You are on the right path with this one , I truly believe that

Everyone needs some kind , caring words sometimes
that shows your heart works
it is an honor for me to be able to participate & reflect on the issues you have been dealing with

hey now
i dont think we would be hangin around over here if we didnt care....right?


Keep on doing what you love - - and do not forget who you are