Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Yesterday sucked, today sucks, and tomorrow will suck

I am really angry.  I'm always angry.  Or if not angry, then sad.  Those are the only two emotions I feel with any regularity.  There are blips of other things hear and there, but not often and not consistently.  I'd rather be angry than sad, I'll tell you that much, but it still isn't all that great.  I'm easily frustrated and always tired because my adrenaline is always up. 

The only good thing about it is that I'm constantly moving around and doing something.  I can hardly sit still anymore.  Even if I'm tired I feel like I need to be moving.  Typing is about the only thing that will keep me sitting still, and even then I'm usually tapping my foot.  This has led to me getting plenty of exercise and getting into a little better shape.   

I feel so tore up inside.  I'm sick of all this.  I really am.  There has got to be something I can do to stop feeling this way.  I'm sick of being sad about Stephanie.  I'm sick of being mad about it.  I'm tired of wanting something I can't have.  And I'm tired of being afraid that it will always be this way. 

It's been months.  You'd think I would be feeling better by now.  But it's just more of the same everyday.  I don't know what to do. 


all4eyez said...

Your title here - made me laugh...
Not that I am making fun of you for saying it or what it says in general , but just that I can relate to that one and I know how that feels.

You know , I know what you mean about feeling either angry or sad and that you would rather feel angry than sad.
I am like that also.
I get sad and then I am angry because of it , because I do not want to feel sad.

it is a good thing that you are constantly busy - so you do not really have too much time to dwell on the bad.

Exercise is a good thing also.

How about continuing to move on?
And not thinking about what has happened that is upsetting you.
I know that it is a possiblility , because I have  been there.
It takes some time , but if you want to move on , I am sure you will and can.

I want to tell you to stop talking to Stephanie - at least until you can get through these bad feelings.
But I know that will be a hard thing to do - and maybe you dont want to do that , but I think it will help you in the long run.

Please pardon me for telling you what to do - it is just my suggestion.

Luck on ya....

P.S. Are you a Scorpio???
just wondering....

rampage841512 said...

I'm a Sagittarius.  And I hear what you are saying.  I've thought about it myself.  But I can't do that.  It just one of those things that no matter how bad it gets, I can't do.  

autumnsavril said...

In regards to your last comment, I understand that completely.  It is hard to just walk away from the friendship, especially when you don't want to hurt her feelings, because she has done nothing wrong.

Anger and sadness are indeed two really crappy emotions, I have been where you are, and I completely feel for you.

Time is slow and obnoxious, but it does work.