Saturday, November 26, 2005

Home again

I'm home from work, and I'm tired.  I'll probably still be up for a little while before I go to bed though.  I think I should take a shower first.  I feel like I am covered in grim. 

Last night at work went okay.  It wasn't a hard night or anything.  We hardly got any new stuff in at all.  I found myself walking around doing nothing more times than not. 

I saw a funny bumper sticker on my way home.  It said:  "America, love it or give it back."  It made me laugh.  Maybe someone else will get a kick out of it too.

I don't know how I feel right now.  Well, I do.  I want Stephanie in childish, petulant sort of way.  I can see myself sitting here with my bottom lip sticking out, pouting.  It would be funny if it were not so pathetic.

I guess I should call John and Jennifer some time today and see how they are doing.  Her dad's death has been a long time coming, so I think she is probably taking it pretty well, but I'd still like to check on her.  

I'm afraid that my feelings toward Jeremy have not changed in the slightest.  I feel no sympathy for him.  All I feel is a cold hatred.  Every time I think I might be able to shake it off I'll inadvertently think of something, anything, that I might have shared with Stephanie...and then I'll remember that I can't, but he probably has or will.  And that cuts to the bone every time.  I feel sick to my stomach and my head sort of spins.  I hate it.  I wish I could make it stop. 

But I can't.  So I go on and on, trying to put the pieces back together knowing they are going to just get shattered again.  Hoping that they won't.  I don't know what else to do. 

3 comments:

all4eyez said...

lol, I know you were tired when you wrote this - and I tried to hold my tongue but
when you got home from work were you feeling grim or grimey?
even thought I know - I thought id poke fun a bit , seeing how your recent entries have struck me as very dark.

Sorry to hear about all the losses that have recently crept up on people that you care for.
:(

I am glad to hear that you had such an easy time at work , that you were basically walking about all night - that's the best kind of work , lol ;)

rampage841512 said...

I'm surprised I didn't catch that...lol.  I've been carefully proofreading my entries lately, but not carefully enough it seems.  

I haven't slept all day.  I better get to it, or I am going to regret it tonight.  I already have an exhaustion headache.  Those are always nice....

all4eyez said...

oh man , i hate those
:P