Tuesday, September 6, 2005

Weirded Out

I'm feeling really weirded out and kind of nervous.  I've got hours yet before I see Stephanie.  I'm not sure what I'm going to say to her.  Somethings been bothering me a bit about Saturday night that I have not mentioned yet.  It's Jennifer.

See, I went and sat on the couch at there house in my usual spot which is the far right corner if you are facing the couch.  I always sit there.  Stephanie and Jeremy where sitting on the couch too.  Stephanie was sitting in the middle and Jeremy was on the other side of her.  I didn't think anything of it.  Stephanie and I have been friends for over a year now, so why shouldn't I sit done next to her, especially since I'm not trying to isolate her from Jeremy or anything.  I didn't even sit that close to her.

But then Jennifer came over and plopped herself right in between us.  That made me a little mad, but I didn't think anything of it.  Later, though, she did it again, and this time I said something to her.  I think I said something about us not needing a chaperone.  Jennifer just kind of laughed and said she just wanted to sit next to Stephanie.  Now, given, they have gotten pretty close, but it didn't seem like that to me. 

I hope Jennifer is not trying to somehow get between me and Stephanie for Jeremy's sake.  That would really be shitty, but honestly, I wouldn't put it past her.  She's my friend, sure, but Jeremy is her brother and I've seen her choose him over her own husband before, so...you see my problem?  I hope I'm not being paranoid. 

But I do think I want to bring it up with Stephanie.  It's going to be hard enough for me as it is.  I don't need Jennifer trying to drive a wedge in our friendship.  I think Jennifer will do what she thinks is in her brother's best interests. 

This is so fucked up.  I feel like I'm losing all my friends.  I really do.  Fuck, this isn't right.  This isn't the way it should be.  This is all wrong.  And it's all my fault.  I hate to say this, but I regret every introducing Stephanie to any of them.  If I hadn't, this might never have happened.  I want it to be like it was between us all, at least the being friends and hanging out together part.  But I can't forgive Jeremy, and we'll never be friends again.  And I'm an extremely unhappy and uncomfortable with Stephanie and Jeremy being together.  And because of that they're are not doing things with me anymore.  I feel like everything is slipping away from me and I don't know what to do.


autumnsavril said...

*IF* she was doing it on purpose, and the way you tell it, it seems like it, that's really fucked up.  I was unaware that Jeremy and Jennifer were siblings.  That still doesn't make it right, though.  I am of the opinion that people who stick up for their family even when they're wrong are also wrong.  You do what's right, regardless of who is involved.  More than that, if she's going to take sides based on family, she needs to take her husband's side first and foremost.  That is the family she has *chosen,* not the family she was thrown into from birth.  And to me, that is more important--the family you choose rather than the family you're given into at birth.  My family is my family, but have had to earn my respect and love, it has not always been given to them just because they were my family.  Tell me I'm wrong, but I simply won't care.  Love is earned, it's not a birthright.

I can't believe she would take her brother's side over her husband's, unless she did it because her brother was right and John was wrong.  If she was doing it just because they happen to have the same parents, I feel sorry for John.


rampage841512 said...

On know.  I hate to think it of her, because she is usually a nice person and a good friend.  But actions speak louder than words.  She doesn't always pick her brother over John, but when she does it's pretty obvious.  

rampage841512 said...

And I agree with you for the most part.  I believe that some of your natural family you will "choose" in a sense.  You will be closer to them than any other member of your family for whatever reason.  But I honestly don't know how you can even choose that over the person you've decided to spend the rest of your life with, but whatever.