Saturday, September 3, 2005

Time to find out how strong I really am.

John called me to invite me to watch a football game at his house.  A lot of people are going to be there, including Jeremy and Stephanie.  This was something I wanted to avoid, but I am going to lose all contact with my friends if I do. 

I knew, but I didn't know.  Now some of my stitches are torn.  I don't know what is going to happen, but I think it's obvious at this point that I'm going.  I'm nervous, I'm afraid, and I'm a little angry.  Mostly I'm feeling the hurt that I'd pretty much buried.  It's going to be a fucked up night. 

I don't think I'll have fun, but since John wants me to come I'm going to try this once.  And I guess you'll get the aftermath, and probably by voice. 

I don't want to do this.  And I'm smart enough that I'm doing it out of pride more than anything.  I don't want anyone to think I'm afraid, even though I am.  But they say you have to face your fears, and that's real bravery.  Some maybe I'm brave and full of pride.  It's not necessarilly a good combo. 

I don't want to not go and then wonder what's going on either.  This is really going to be rough.  I hope I can get a drink or two. 

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