Friday, September 9, 2005


I had planned on calling my Aunt Ellen later this afternoon,  but to my surprise she just called me a little while ago.  I was asleep, so I didn't hear the phone.  But I called her back after I got her message.  We talked for about thirty minutes.  It was nice.  She even offered me a place to stay if I wanted to visit, or just get the hell out of here permanently. 

I've been tempted a few times to just pack up and leave.  But I can't now.  I've made promises.  Maybe in a six months or a year I'll want too.  But all this stuff with Stephanie is going to keep me around for a while.  If I leave I'll always wonder if something would have happened later. 

And I can't walk away from our friendship.  I think if I left I would hurt her.  I really do.  I don't want to do that.  The thought of just walking away doesn't sit well with me at all.  If I thought there was someting there better for me I would leave, but I don't think there is.  I'd just have to start all over again with no friends at all.  I can't do that.  I've got too much invested here.  I've made to many promises.

Okay, I think I am going to try and get some more sleep.  Sleep is good. 

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