Wednesday, September 7, 2005

Good Morning, Vietnam!

I titled this the way I did because I woke up this morning hoping that I was in a different place that wasn't quite so horrible as the reality I find myself faced with every day.  Clever, ain't I?  The mornings are the hardest part.  I wake up, and reality comes crashing in.  I want nothing more than to wake up, reach out...but there's nothing.  It's a really depressing sort of feeling.  Waking up feeling depressed is not a good way to start your day.  But that's what I'm stuck with for now.

Oh, yeah.  Here are the pictures of my MP3 player.  I really love the thing.  The first picture is the front view, the second is an in-hand view, and the third is a close up of the display.  I added a couple of more cd's worth of music to it.  I've got around twenty cd's worth of music on there, and it's only at about half capacity.  All the songs are in WMA format as opposed to MP3 format because that lets me get more on there.  I didn't do that on purpose, it was just set up that way.  I don't know what the difference is, and since the quality is good I'm not complaining.

I realized this morning while I was lifting some weights that I neglected to pay my rent, which was due a week ago.  Oops.  I'm going to take a shower and go do that soon.  Hopefully I won't catch hell about it.  I can't believe I forgot.  It was on my mind that I had to pay, but the when kind of slipped past me.  I guess I'm not that suprised, considering my last month. 

It's really hard to believe it's been a month.  It's only been really, really bad two or three times.  But the whole time I've had this kind of dull ache.  Some times I want to just sit down and cry, and I can't.  Other times I don't want to cry, but I can't stop.  It's not always like that, but it is enough that I'm talking about it. 

This journal is my therapy.  It helps to talk about it all somehow to someone.  I need to put my fears, hopes, worries, and hurts into words.  I don't know any other way to work them out.  So I write, and write, and write, etc.  It helps, if only a little bit.  Every little bit counts.

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