Friday, August 5, 2005

The smoldering fingers of hate are takind a hold of my heart...

I put "quiet" as my mood because it is the one choice that is most obvious to casual observation.  Inside I'm feeling very hurt and angry.  But I'm as quiet as a leopard about to strike.  And I'm as dangerous as a wounded leopard.

Stephanie just called me a minute ago.  She told me Jeremy had called her.  He asked her if she wanted to come to John's party on Saturday night.  She called me and asked if I had given him her number.  I didn't.  I never would have.  To be honest, I never wanted him to meet her.  When it comes to girls, I can't compete with Jeremy, I know that.  I didn't want to take any chances that he would try and hook up with Stephanie.

I think anyone who's read this regurlarly knows I have feelings for this girl.  Strong feelings.  It's not just physical attraction, she's amazing all around.  She has her faults like everyone, but that doesn't change my feelings for her.  She's had a boyfriend the whole time I've known her, but she was trying to get rid of her last one by this time and probably has.  I was hoping to find out and comtemplating finally taking my chance with her.

And then I find out this.  I don't know how Jeremy got her number.  My first instinct is that he stole it from me.  Stephanie asked me if it was okay if she came, and I told her I had planned on  inviting her.  Which I had, but she's bad about breaking plans so it's good to get her last minute.  It seems someone beat me to it.

Well, I know I can trust Stephanie.  And I know I can't trust Jeremy.

I don't know anything for sure, though.  That's the only reason I'm not hunting for Jeremy right now.  I told him I'd kill him over Stephanie, and while I didn't mean that literally, I will kick his ass over her.  If they had met somewhere at random and hooked up, my hands would be tied.  They didn't.  They met in my home against my will.  John and Jennifer invited him along when I had arranged for them to meet Stephanie.  I didn't invite Jeremy.  I didn't want him there.  This is entry is why.

Stephanie said she wasn't sure if he was asking her out or just being nice.  I don't know either.  For all I know he was asking her to come for my benefit.  Then again, he may have been asking her out.  Or it could be a prelude to asking her out.  Whichever waythe cards fall, I'm man enought to admit that I'm scared.  This may go very, very badly.

2 comments:

autumnsavril said...

I promise I've been keeping up with your entries, but this particular one caught my attention and I wanted to say something here.

No matter his reason for asking her to go, he shouldn't have done it.  If he did it for your benefit, his heart is in the right place, but . . . well, it's not his place.  If he didn't do it for you, he's not a friend to you.  That's very sneaky and underhanded.

Considering that both you and Stephanie are unaware as to the way he got her number, I'm guessing it's the latter of the two.  He either looked it up in the phone book (or some other number directory), or as you guessed, he stole it from you.

It's my opinion that if you find out he stole the number from you, you should tell Stephanie--that will turn her off to him, if she did have any kind of ideas about getting with him.  I know it would make me angry to know some guy had stolen my phone number from my friend, no matter the purpose or intention.  It's *my* number, and it was given to my friend, not to my friend's friend.

Reading this makes *me* angry.

Ave

rampage841512 said...

I completely agree with you, and so does everyone else I've talked too.  They've told me basically the same thing.  I talked to Stephanie again a few minutes after I first wrote this.  We discussed the possibility that he stole her number from.  She said she didn't blame me if I kicked his ass over that.

I also went to the mall with John and Jennifer about an hour after.  Jeremy came too.  I gave him plenty of chances to say something about, tell me what's going on, but he didn't.  I went as far as to ask John and Jennifer right in front of him if it was okay if I invited Stephanie to the party.  He didn't say a damn thing.  But he was looking a little worried.  Later I talked to Stephanie again and told her all about it.  She said that that was just weird that he didn't say anything knowing I would find out.  So I called John to see if maybe he and Jennifer had her number and had given it to him.  John said they didn't have it.  Jeremy was with them so he knows I know.  Still hasn't had the balls to speak up.  Tomorrow will be confrontation time.  

And I also think I'm going to have a talk with Stephanie.  I have to at the very least tell her I'd like to go out with her.  I don't want to have this constant anxiety anymore when it comes to her.