Thursday, August 18, 2005


It's Midnight, and I just woke up.  I've been trying to sleep the night through, but I keep waking up every two hours.  Stephanie never called me back after the last time I talked to her.  She told me she would in about two hours.  I waited three and gave her a call.  I got her voicemail and left a message.  I'll see her later today, and maybe we'll get a chance to talk.  I don't know.  There's so much I want to say that I'm just not sure if I can get it all out in a short amount of time.

I'm still not sure what's going on.  I'm still not feeling very well.  I'm going to have to get a few more hours of sleep, too.  Four just isn't enough.  I don't know what the morning will bring, but I hope it isn't more of the same.  I just want to stop feeling  bad right now.  I don't know what will do that.

Since you asked, Avril, I'll tell you about Amber again.  She worked with Jeremy at his last job in a pet store.  We met the day Jennifer got her tattoo.  Jeremy later got her phone number for me when she told him I was cute.  I called her and talked to her once, but after that couldn't get a hold of her.  I called her twice after the first time and then gave up on it.  Just recently I found out one of her best friends was leaving town and see had been concentrating completely on him.  I didn't really care, and I figured she had her chance.  I called her Monday not long after John told me Stephanie and Jeremy we're seeing each other.  I was feeling like shit and I thought it was the best way to stop thinking about it all.  I talked to her for a little while and we had a good conversation, although not about what's been going down.  After we ended our conversation she was supposed to call me back.  She hasn't.

She seems nice.  But there is still Stephanie, so I don't know what I should do.  If things just don't work out with Stephanie, I'll probably call her again and try getting together with her.  That'll probably be the best way to get over all this shit and, who knows?  It might turn out for the best.  But if somehow I end up with Stephanie I'm going to feel a little guilty.  Not too guilty, since she never called me back, but a little.

Lot's of drama.  I try to avoid it, and I get pulled right back in.  It really sucks.

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