Tuesday, May 3, 2005

Study date

Today I took my next to last final.  I have one more tomorrow and then I am done with school until the fall.  I think I did okay today.  I believe I'll pass at the very least, which is enough for me.

After the exam I came home and slept for a few hours and then I called Stephanie.  She wanted to come over and study after I woke up.  Before we left the library yesterday we had decided to study at my apartment and I'd promised her dinner.

She came over around seven thirty.  I fried some chicken breasts, marinated Italian style, and I also cooked some fettuccine alfredo.  It came out great.  Stephanie really liked it.  I even caught her stealing some pasta off my plate a couple of times.

We actually only studied for about ten minutes, even though she didn't leave until after nine.  We watch the last half of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone and we also talked a lot.

I found out some things about her that I kind of already expected but didn't really know for sure.  I won't go into specifics because that wouldn't be proper, but I did confirm my thought that she seems to be avoiding something in life. 

It's really quite funny because the thing she is avoiding is the very thing I'm trying to find.  It's odd, and we talked about it for a while.  We're good friends and I'm glad we're good friends.  She's trusted me with a lot.

I know life is about taking chances, and as much as I want to take a chance, with her I can't.  I'm afraid of losing the friendship we have.  It's special, it really is.  I just feel good being around her, and that's a nice feeling.  She makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside...lol.  And if she can do that just being my friend, isn't it enough? 

I'm afraid of what would happen if we did try to be more than friends.  If she got bored with me, like she has with almost every guy in the past, I don't know how I'd handle it.  I know I could let her go, but I would have to completely let her go.  It would be too painful to go back to being friends.

And I don't want to loose her as a friend.  Like I said, she's speacial, even if she doesn't believe it.  No one ever believes that of themself.  They always try to reject that.  I think it's because they are afraid of that affect they have on people.  They don't want to have the power to make people feel good because they know they could do something to hurt those people. 

But I think you can do more good than harm, as long as you don't let it go to your head.  You have to be a little modest about it, and warry of it, but it's not a bad thing to make people feel good simply by being around them.  That makes sense to me, even if it doesn't to anyone else.

On another note, Stephanie did call her dad to talk to him about that bastard cop.  She didn't get him, but she left a message that she needed to talk to him, although she didn't say what about in the message.  Hopefully he'll call her back some time soon. 

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