Thursday, February 2, 2012

Trying to stay positive.

Work is starting a to become a place I dread.  While my skill level and ability have shown a steady and documented rise over the last six months I've had more negative encounters with management in the last month than in the almost two years of employment prior. 

It's extremely disheartening to have spent six months working hard making improvements after I realized things were not good, have no feedback or encouragement even though I made a definite turn around, only to now when I'm starting to feel some real pride for what I'm doing to start getting the "you're not doing well enough and you'd better fix it but don't take this conversation as a negative because I'm trying to help you" speech.  No, you're trying to cover your ass in case the overall numbers don't look good.  You don't give a flying fuck all about me. 

I hate corporate speak.  I hate the "We're all in this together!" bullshit when every manager in the place is working hard and fast to generate whatever paper trail they can to cover their own asses.  And I don't blame them.  It's the only way they can survive in a corporate environment (short of nepotism). 

I saw this coming.  I fucking predicted it when some people got promoted and some left.  I knew the days of CYA were inbound. 

I'm too honest and too outspoken.  Those are my biggest weaknesses in a "CYA is all that matters" environment.  I'm just going to have to force myself to keep my mouth shut and get my numbers up however I can.

And I'm going to have to start looking at other options.  It's clear to me that the larger an organization you work for the more frustrating and demoralizing the environment will be.  I will do this job as long as I have to, but as soon as I see something better on the horizon I'm jumping ship.  I'm going to have to for my own sanity. 

And yes, I understand my stresses and unhappinesses are nothing compared to some other people's.  I'm sympathetic.  But I can only live my life, and deal with it the best way I can.  One of those ways is to come on my blog and bitch and moan about the things that make me unhappy.  If you think it's pathetic, silly, or a waste of time you don't have to read it.  This is my place to vent, even about my stupid, first world, civilian, American, white, male, petty frustrations.

Things will probably get better.  I've managed to improve myself and my situation a little bit more every day.  I'll continue to do that as long as I can.  But in the mean time it helps some to bitch about it.

3 comments:

Old NFO said...

As long as you're bitching, you're still hanging in there! But DO keep your options open and you are correct about the 'size' of the org having an impact...

RobertM said...

Thanks.

Robert Slaughter said...

Given your comments of "Work is starting a to become a place I dread. While my skill level and ability have shown a steady and documented rise over the last six months I've had more negative encounters with management in the last month than in the almost two years of employment prior" combined with the "you're not doing well enough and you'd better fix it but don't take this conversation as a negative because I'm trying to help you" speech, my suggestion would be to agree with your starting to actively look for employment elsewhere, because the back of your shirt has a logo of a large shopping-superstore on it (and I don't mean the yellow-daisy thingee of Wal-Mart).

When a company goes into CYA mode, its because something's broken, and someone has to find the culprit, 'cause it certainly can't be them. And I'd bet that speech means someone considers you a potential sacrificial lamb.

You also said: "It's clear to me that the larger an organization you work for the more frustrating and demoralizing the environment will be." Not necessarily so -- I've had friends who worked for small (<50) places that were worse than that, and until I recently I was working at a huge consulting firm that was actually a great place to be generally (issues were localized, and dealt with quickly when word got out that a project was flailing).