Friday, June 20, 2008

I Miss Her

I miss her so much.  I would give almost anything in this moment to have her in my arms, yet I can recognize that that wouldn't be right, because she would still be holding back.  No matter how close I got, it would never be close enough.  But, damn, I still miss her so much.  I miss her smell, her smile, her laugh.

I can remember coming home and smelling her perfume all through our apartment from her getting ready for work in the morning.  I can remember when we used to sleep in the same bed snuggled up together.

How do I cope with that being gone?  I don't know.  I just know it hurts a lot right now.  And all I want is her.  Her her her her her.  I made a total commitment to her.  Total.  How does one walk away from that sort of thing?  I don't know either.  I just want someone to hold me and put me to sleep.  to be there when the nightmares wake me up. 

I've had them every time I've slept.  I woke up in the wrong room the other day.  I had dreamed we still lived together.  In another she had found someone else, and was so happy and oblivious to my pain I couldn't speak.  More will come. 

Oh, hell.

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