Thursday, March 2, 2006


I find endings to be very depressing.  Unless they are happy endings.  And sometimes those are depressing too.  Some stories you just don't want to end.  Others you want to end differently.  But everything ends, for better or worse. 

Months and months go by and I still feel the same in one sense or another.  I still feel beat down and keep wondering why I keep on going.  In all honesty, I just don't know.  I don't really know what else to do.  I keep trying to do new things and explore new horizons but I keep finding myself with the same old, same old.  I keep hoping I'm going to top the next rise and see something different, but it's all the same.  All nothingness.

I don't know what I'm looking for.  Someone?  Something?  I don't know.  I just know that there is something missing.  I feel like there is more to life and I'm missing it.  Maybe I just can't open my eyes or something.  Maybe I'm not ready for whatever it is.  But are we ever ready for anything?  I don't think so. 

I'm on a mission.  It's the same mission I've been on for as long as I can remember.  And I know that I'll be on it for as long as it takes.  I don't really have any choice.  It's never been in me to give up.  

My mission is to find whatever it is I'm looking for.  I don't know what it is, but I know I still haven't found it. 

Not yet.



jhileb said...

yeah i know what you mean on the ending thing.

details.  imho, that's what is important in life.  focus on the details, those are the things that matter.  for example something brilliant someone says to you that makes you start thinking in a new direction, or a scene in a movie that makes you want to rewind and watch it again a few times.  a song the first time you hear it that makes you excited or feel differently than you did right before you heard it.  a good looking chick passing you by and smiling at you.  the list goes on and on.  it's the little things in life that i enjoy and makes all the monotony worth enduring.


all4eyez said...

I agree with J
He's on the right path...
: )