Monday, January 9, 2006

I keep asking myself...

I keep asking myself why I did it.  Why did I drop those classes, why did I tell Stephanie I needed distance?  Why?  Why would I do that?  I want to know because I want to offer her some kind of explanation, some reason why I hurt her by walking away. 

Well, I was lying there on my couch thinking about it.  I try not too, but I can't help it.  And the reason is this:  Every time I look into Stephanie's eyes, every time I hear her voice, every time I make her laugh, I fall in love with her all over again.  And every single time I get my heart broken all over again.

That's it, plain and simple.  And it hurts so bad.  And now I just can't control myself anymore.  I can't stop crying.  I'm a grown man and can't stop crying. 

The worst part is, I'm all alone.  There's no one to hold me while I cry.  There's no one to offer a hung or a few kind words or even a pat on the back.  I'm all alone.  I'm always alone.  I don't want to be alone anymore. 

My life is completely out of control, and I don't know what to do about it.  I feel like I'm trying to land a plane blindfolded. 

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