Tuesday, December 6, 2005


Well, this is a long story.  And I get the feeling it may get longer.  That could be good or bad, of course.  I don't know yet.  But it looks like good.  So, the long version or the short?  I'll just start, and we'll see....

Okay, I'd seen Julie around school plenty of times.  I never really got to know her though.  She was a cute redhead (carrot top) but I never talked to her.  She seemed like one of the shy, smart types. 

Anyway, when we were both in the eighth grade our mothers became friends.  I don't really know how that happened, but it did.  Little did I or anyone else know, but my mother had just took a nose dive down drug alley, and that was leading to some very paranoid behavior.  She thought people were following her and everyone was out to get her. 

This one time we stopped by Julie's mom's house.  It was the first time I had ever met Julie's mom, and that I realized who's mom she was.  But me and Julie officially met each other that day.  We admitted to having seen each other, but we had never talked.  Because of my mom's antics I was really stressed, worried, and scared.  I think Julie's mom picked up on this really quick because she told Julie to take me to play some video games while she tried to console my mother.

So me and Julie went into her living room and started playing Sega Genesis.  I even remember the game.  It was Aladdin, one of the few I was actually pretty good at.  We didn't really talk, we just played.  It calmed my nerves, I know that.  Which was nice.  And Julie was cute, I remember coming to that realization too.  I'd never really thought about it before.

Anyway, a couple weeks later it got to me through my mom that someone at school was making fun of Julie because of the clothes she wore.  Well, you all know me.  I went looking for the guy in question to kick his ass.  I never found out who he was, but one of the people I had asked about the whole situation was Julie's best friend's boyfriend.  Me and him were friends. 

Anyway, within a couple of days one thing led to another and me and Julie were suddenly boyfriend and girlfriend in that "we don't know anything about each other, but okay" way only Jr. High kids can be.  And it seemed to go pretty good for a little while, but that wasn't to last.  I blame my own immaturity, but she was not totally innocent.

Anyway, we talked on the phone.  Watched a couple of movies.  Went swimming.  All under our mothers' supervision.  It seemed to be going pretty good, but Julie was very shy around me most of the time.  It was kind of frustrating, but I think it was more because her mother was always around too.  But she was like that at school two.  If I sat next to her she slide away so there was at least a foot of space between us.

Well, when the chance came up for us to do something on our own we took it.  This, of course, was going to the local roller rink.  I was a total inline skating nut at the time, and so were all of my friends.  I was sitting at a table across from my best friend at the time, Joey, and his girlfriend.  I had told him my girlfriend was coming, and he knew it was Julie. 

Julie got there and came and sat next to me.  Joey looked at her and said, "Who the fuck are you?"  Julie suddenly looked very uncomfortable.  Now, what I should have done was reached across the table, grabbed Joey by the scruff of his neck, and made him apologize.  But I didn't.  I knew him, and I knew not to take him seriously.  I just laughed, and told him, "She's my girlfriend, asshole."

Joey did a kind of "Oh." and I thought that was that.  It wasn't.  Julie didn't know him, and didn't know not to take him seriously.  In fact, she was pretty upset.  She got up a few minutes later and went to the bathroom.  And to call someone to come get her.  She left, and I couldn't talk her out of it.  I tried to explain about Joey, but I think she was mad I hadn't stood up for her more.  I guess I should have.  Hindsight, and all that.

I was a little mad about her leaving, but I didn't worry about it too much.  But what happened next was too much.  See, the Homecoming Game was coming up, and along with it the Homecoming Dance.  This, to me, was a big deal at the time.  I thought I'd finally be going with someone instead of alone. Well, I fucked that one up too.

I was talking to her on the phone and I asked, "So, you're coming to the dance, right?"  And she said she wasn't.  I was hurt, I admit it.  I felt like I only had a girlfriend in name, but not in practice.  And I've never been one to put up with anything I thought was stupid, so very shortly after I broke it off.

Yes, it was me.  And I was very mad about the whole thing.  Mostly because I was sad about the whole thing.  It just sucked. 

When our mothers found out, they did the whole over the phone thing, each talking to us and relaying messages trying to fix the problem.  But I, at least, was not having it.  I blamed Julie for everything, and she was mad because it wasn't her fault.  And it wasn't, but I didn't believe that then or for a long time.

I told my mother that I couldn't even sit next to her without her sliding two feet away (this was true) and that the one thing I had really been looking forward to, the dance, Julie hadn't wanted to do.  At this point, the dance was over, and I was feeling miserable and pouty, and just mad because of what had happened.  Ever wish you could go back in time and slap yourself? 

Anyway, my mother told Julie's mom, who told Julie.  Julie's response was that I hadn't even asked her to go to the dance with me.  "I was supposed to ask my girlfriend to go to the dance with me!?" was my response.  Yes, dumbass, you have to ask.  Even your girlfriend.  Had this been before the dance, I would have probably bit the bullet.  But the dance was over.  Everything was ruined and the world was coming to an end.  Gotta love those hormones.

Anyway, I was very mad at Julie after that.  I used every opportunity I could to say something nasty.  And, after considering how she seemed to hate being physically close to me I came up with the perfect insult.  "Fucking lesbian."

Cruel.  Very cruel.  And she did not take it well.  I mumbled this under my breath about her for a couple of years, and occasionally yelled it.  Ouch.  Shouldn't have done that.  She finally confronted me about it, through IMs.  I didn't apologize, like I should have.  Being online made me brave.  No, I just kept digging that hole.  She hated me for it.

By the eleventh grade this still came to mind once in a while, and I had grown up enough to know I had been an asshole.  But I also knew she hated me.  At the end of my senior year, well after she had dropped out (for reasons that didn't involve me in the tenth grade) I was talking to my friend Chris and his girlfriend, Angela, about it.  Angela was one of Julie's friends.  She told me Julie still hated me, but I asked her to tell Julie I was sorry, and that I didn't deserve her forgiveness, but I was sorry just the same.  I don't know if she ever did.  Maybe, maybe not.

A couple of months ago, guess who walks up to me in the mall?  If you didn't guess Julie, then you need to read the subject line again. 

She asked me if I remembered her.  I said I remembered that I should be apologizing to her.  She laughed and said, "But you remember me?"  I said I did.  She said she just wanted to say hi.  And that was it. She walked away.  I didn't say much of anything to her.  I was too shell shocked that she actually spoke to me.

Fast forward to last Friday night.  I was at work, and going on my first break at midnight.  I was getting something to snack on, and guess who was in line behind me?  She didn't say anything, and I was worried that she still didn't like me.  Finally I worked up the courage to say hello and ask her how she was doing. 

We talked for a couple of minutes before we both walked outside, me to chill and her to leave.  But as we walked I bit the bullet and said, "We should hang out some time, and maybe I can make up for being such an asshole in school."  She said sure, that would be cool.  And then we both walked away from each other. 

The first thing I thought was "Shit! I didn't even ask for her number."  Well, there goes that, I thought to myself.  I won't see her again for another couple of months, if at all.

I seem to have a penchant for being wrong when it comes to this girl.  Sunday night she came into WalMart looking for some candy...and me.  We both came walking down my aisle from opposite ends at the same time.  I waved and walked toward her.  I was actually about to go to break.  We ended up talking for about twenty minutes.  The first thing she said was that she had totally zoned out and forgotten to get my number when I said we should hang out.  Well. 

So we exchanged numbers and talked my entire break away, and then some more when I should have been working.  I said I was sorry about all the high school shit.  She told me not to worry about it, and that she had grown up a lot since then.  I also found out one of her ex's beat her up a few times.  Well, now I know his name and he's been given the number two spot on my shit list.

Well, we talked and then she said she had to take off, but that I should call her so we could catch up.  Monday I thought I would call her sometime today and invite her over to watch a movie and eat some pizza or something.  When I got home this morning I read and went to sleep around ten.  I figured I'd wake up by two.

Try seven, buddy.  I figured it was to late to pull anything off, but that I'd call her so we could talk, anyway.  First I called Stephanie to set up a time to study for our exam Thursday.  I think I'm going over there Thursday morning.  After that, I called Julie and got her voice mail.

Here we go again, I thought.  I'd played this game before and hadn't liked it.  But I left a message and told her to give me a call.  About an hour later she did.  We talked for a few minutes and she asked what I was doing.  I told her I was just sitting around at home.  I could tell she was driving, and she had said she didn't know what she was doing tonight so I was thinking of inviting her over.  She beat me to it.  "So, I'm in the area, can I come by?"  Well, of course.

She found my apartment, only getting lost once, and then she was here.  In my apartment.  Now what?

It was kind of funny, I admit.  We talked and basically just watched tv.  We watched Southpark, Chapelle's Show, and a little Who's line is it anyway?.  She only slept a few hours today, so she was yawning by ten thirty and about to fall asleep on my couch.  That's what I get for turning the heat up and turning the tv on...lol. 

Anyway, it was nice.  And as she left she told me to call her again and we could hang out sometime when she wouldn't be falling asleep.

I think I'm going to ask her out.  I don't want to wait too long because I don't want to get stuck being just friends.  It may be to late already, but I at least want to get the idea out there now, and not a month from now when I know I've waited too long. 

We'll see.

1 comment:

autumnsavril said...

Wow.  Long version it is.  Sorry I have been away so long, I have been in the process of moving.  Right now I am on dial-up, which translates to suckety-suck-suck-sucks, but I am hoping to convince the in-law if I can pay for a DSL line in here.  I kinda lose about 80% of my freedom when I'm here, so who knows?  It's his phone line.

Best of luck with Julie, you should totally go for it.