Monday, December 12, 2005

I feel so dirty...

Mostly because I am.  I worked all night only to come home and discover...NO WATER.  I hate this place sometimes.  It really does suck.  But it should be fixed soon.  Doesn't really help me at the moment, though.

I went and took my U.S. history final today.  I think I did okay.  But I probably stank to high heaven.  I don't sweat a lot though, so maybe it wasn't so bad.  I have two exams tomorrow and then I'm done for the semester.

It's going to costs me around $450 to get my car.  I'm wondering if it's worth it.  I don't think I could salvage that much out of it.  I have not seen it, but from what Stephanie told me the front end is smashed into about a one foot section, so I can't pull the engine out and sell it.  It might be better off just to let the wrecker service have it.

I talked to Stephanie a little bit after my exam.  I just wanted to hear her voice.  I really don't want to be alone at all since my accident, but the only person I really want to be with me is her.  Or someone I trust like her.  I need some comfort.  My nerves are gone.  I still get this panicky worried feeling about her.  I keep thinking she isn't safe, or she needs my help.  I guess waking up in an ambulance and not remembering if someone you love more than life itself had been in your car when you drove it off into a ravine will do that to you.

I have not talked to Julie since last week.  I might call her tonight, and tell her what happened to me.  I don't know if I'm ready to laugh about it yet, but maybe she can help with that.  Or maybe she can just give a little sympathy.  Hey, who knows?  Sometimes a little pity will cause a girl to do some odd things.

Okay, getting my mind out of the gutter.

I tried going by the hospital to pick up my chart so I can have something for sick time at work, but that didn't work out.  I didn't really know where to go, and I couldn't find parking anyway.  I hate when that happens.  I think I'm going to have to borrow a little money from my grandfather to cover my bills this month.  I shouldn't have to borrow more than a hundred bucks though.

I've got to get out and start enjoying life a little bit.  All that seems to happen to me is one bad thing after another.  They all aren't on the same level, but they still all suck.  Why can't I catch a break?  What did I do to deserve this shit?  That's what I keep asking myself.  I don't have an answer.  The only one I can think of is "that's life."  But it ain't this way for everyone.  Some people got it worse.  Some people got it better. 

I don't know what I'm going to do.  I've already been trying to sell my computer.  Now I must sell it.  I also need to really, seriously consider getting a roommate.  But it's got to be someone I know and that I know I could live with.  I like living alone, but I don't really have a choice now. 

Maybe I should just rob a bank.  Now there's an idea....

P.S.  I've gotten this constant tiny, dull ache in my head.  I hate it. 


jhileb said...

okay you are having a bad week.

naw, everyone has the same problems...what i realized was some talk about it and others don't.  so those who don't, you'd never know they were having problems.  plus some even go as far as to hide with huge grins and stories of fun and fantasy.........i know quite a few people like that.  they rewrite events in their heads to make them allot more fun and exciting then they really they feel better about their lives.  not to mention "memory creators" which are those who do all kinds of stuff all the time, and not because they like what they are doing.  rather they want to look back and feel like their lifes were completely full...meanwhile they have no fun at what they are doing as they are too busy creating memories rather than enjoying each event as it is,  but that's another topic for another time.

it's also all relative.  what's horrible and tramatic to some is no big deal to others, so............

so big plans for the big birthday??  


rampage841512 said...

My plans consists mostly of drinking a lot.  I might throw a little fornication in there for good measure  I'm not really planning any big thing.  Just having some people over to my place to celebrate.