Sunday, October 30, 2005

Halloween Party

I went.  I dressed up.  Stephanie came.  She looked amazing.  I drank.  I drank some more.  I drank a whole lot more.  I walked out into a field and lay on the hood of car to stare at the stars for about an hour.  I got cold.  I got in my car and turned it on for some heat.  I got sick.  I puked twice.  I washed my mouth out with some Listerine and water.  I listened to some music.  I cried.  Hard.  Twice.  I had thought I was going to be alright.  I cleaned myself up.  I went back inside the house.  I sat down.  I restrained myself from killing Jeremy, somehow.  I got very angry.  I smashed my fist into the wall.  I hit it really hard.  It shook the whole house.  My fist feels fine though.  I wish I had hit Jeremy.  I slept for two hours.  In the floor.  I woke up.  It was too cold to sleep any more.  I put my boots.  I left while everyone else was still asleep.  I wish I could have said goodbye to Stephanie.  No, I wish I could kissed her goodbye in her sleep.  I am home now.  I am drinking hot chocolate.  I'll be okay.  One day.  But not today.


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