Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Feeling bad

I feel horrible.  I really do.  I've been fighting it all day.  I've been trying to find a way to be the tough guy and just shrug it off.  I can't though.  It hurts so bad.  I can't describe it. 

The worst part is there is nothing I can do.  I can't fix this.  I can only wait (again with the waiting) until it doesn't feel so bad.  If I really concentrate on other things it helps.  I called this girl I havn't talked to in a while.  I think I mentioned her, Amber.

Anyway, Amber had good reasons for  not calling me.  She still could have, but whatever.  It was nice to talk to someone and not thing about this whole situation.  That helped more than anything so far.  I tried running right after I talked to John, and that didn't really work.  I've been busting my ass at work and I just keep getting angrier and angrier.  I hope I can sleep in the morning.  I've got a lot to do tomorrow. I'm going to pay my tuition and get my books.  I might also look into getting a tattoo.  I was thinking a heart on my arm right below my shoulder since I seem to wear my heart on my sleeve. 

Fuck me.  This was a double wammy.  That and other things made it really bad.  It's going to take time for this to stop hurting.  A lot of time, I think.  And that's scary.  I don't want like this anymore.  I want it to be all better.  But it can't and that's the worst fucking part.

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